Maharishi Phucknuckel se Zen-beginsels

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just fuck off and leave me alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

Remember, no one is listening until you fart.

Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Have you ever lent someone R20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreens.

Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse.

The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.